I haven’t been writing too much lately, or rather, I haven’t been posting. I tend to work on 5-10 posts at a time but I never really publish them until they’re finished. This one got bumped ahead for reasons I don’t need to share.
For the last year and a half I was running. Not physically, of course. God, no. I shook off responsibility and did what I could so I wouldn’t feel alone. I became what I never wanted to be, and it wasn’t until last week that I realized something had gone wrong. I’ve written extensively on the men better than me, and my desire to be the type of men they were, but last year I lost my way. I fell. I fell into a really dark place and out of desperation I made the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I made my wants a priority, and in my greatest moment of weakness and selfishness I disregarded any sort of consequences that might result from any mistakes I made. To be frank, I stopped caring about everyone else and only looked out for myself. It wasn’t until just recently that I had given up hope of ever being the kind of man worthy of loving someone the way they had. But we’re not our mistakes.
The men that loved the most important women in my life, the men I look up to, they weren’t perfect. Each and every one of them made mistakes one way or another and hurt the people they loved and the people that loved them. They too, fell. But that’s not the point. It’s about the women that loved them, and chose to forgive them. I’ve been sitting on this firm belief that in each relationship, whenever a mistake is made, you need to ask yourself one question: “Do you love this person more than you hate what they did?” Once the answer is no, it’s time for you to leave. That’s when it comes time for you to walk away from the person you once loved. My grandparents always found a way to answer yes. My parents always found a way to answer yes. My sister and brother-in-law have always found a way to answer yes. Me? I’m still working on that. But I haven’t given up.
“Love doesn’t require you to be perfect, but it does require you to forgive.”
I’ve gotten quite tired of running.
darylkris 