For whatever reason, my love life frequently manages to become the topic of discussion the unit I’m sitting in. Don’t misunderstand though, I appreciate the opportunity to get things off of my chest to actual people rather than anonymous internet audience. The feedback I get is just a bonus.
“No relationship is perfect.”
“This isn’t a movie, it’s real life, and that kind of love just doesn’t exist.”
“What are you holding out for?”
“You’re not going to get everything from a single person, the things she didn’t bring you, you’ll find in other people in your life.”
Over the course of the past few weeks I’ve had several people at work tell me and explain in great detail that I had made a mistake. With the exception of maybe two coworkers, and three patients, the general consensus is: I fucked up.
But did I really?
I don’t think it’s entirely unreasonable to believe there is a perfect love. I’m willing to concede that there isn’t a perfect relationship, nor is there a perfect person. But I do believe that there is that perfect person for you.
A few weeks ago I let a 90% relationship go, because I thought that missing 10% was important enough to hold out for. It took almost everything in me to let go of that 90%. Some people spend what seems like an eternity searching for a partner to spend the rest of their lives with, and won’t even come close to 90%. Shit, I’ve seen married couples that haven’t even gotten close to 75%. I’ve seen people who find that to be enough for them, and I guess that’s okay. I’ve seen people content with the relationship they’re in, because they found it easier to keep saying “I love you” than to say “I can’t love you anymore.” I’m in no position to judge another person’s relationship, but if you’re not completely happy, you shouldn’t have to settle with what you’ve got.
I don’t think many people understood the amount of fear and apprehension I needed to get past in order to do what I did. It was difficult. I’ve spent more than enough nights debating with myself whether or not I made the right decision. I was afraid. Even though I do just fine on my own, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid of being alone. But the the thing I’m most of afraid of is waking up one day only to come to the realization that I settled. Or maybe worse, her doing the same thing. I’ve grown to appreciate people’s time, after all it’s the most precious thing someone can give you. I’m not here to waste anyone’s time, and once I start feeling like I do, I’m out.
Again, I don’t think it’s entirely unreasonable to expect to find everything you’re looking for in a single person. Yes, we can find the humor that’s missing from her in our best friends. Yes, we can find the drive and determination that’s missing from her in the friend we hardly see because he’s too busy working his ass off. Yes, we can find the comfort that’s missing from her in our parents. But is that really acceptable? Is that what we really want? At the end of the day, when you go home and lie in bed, wouldn’t you want to be next to the person who has the capability of giving you anything and everything you’ll ever need or want? This is the person you’ll be sharing your life with. She herself doesn’t need to be perfect, but when she gives you the look, you know she’s the perfect person for you.
We owe it each other to find that 100%. More importantly we owe it to ourselves.
darylkris 