Better Men Than Myself

Like it or not, I’ve spent a good portion of my life wandering around and judging the people around me. Not in a negative manner, and not in the way people normally would when they’re being rude or offensive. I don’t mean to come off as conceited or a would-be alpha male that emits a radiance of perfection. I judge people in order to make sure that the company I keep is one I can trust, one I can depend on. Truth be told, I spent the majority of my time judging myself, and I couldn’t help but draw comparisons to the men closest to me.

In all the years that I’ve known him, I’ve never had a problem with my sister’s boyfriend. And I suppose more importantly, she’s never really had any problems with him either, at least none that she’d care to share with me. He’s a good guy, and I don’t normally say that about guys. As much as I make fun of him for being whipped (if you know my sister, you know she’s commanding), I can tell that he has a genuine sense of care and respect for my sister.

My grandpa is one of the men I’ve strongly desired to model myself after. I can recall times when he’d walk at a slightly faster pace than my grandma, just so he could open the car door for her. I remembered my mother telling me that whenever my grandparents would get into an argument, my grandpa would just sit there and take all of the verbal punishment my grandma could dish out. Moreover, he’d make it a point to wake up earlier than her and make her breakfast as an apology. Even though he’s gone now, he’s set the bar ridiculously high.

Finally, I’d like to talk about the most important man in my mother’s life, my father. Although as much as he’d like to think he’s the head of the household, it’s somewhat clear that my mother is the one calling most of the shots. Sure he’ll make some of the major decisions, but not without first discussing it with his wife. He keeps the castle clean, and is always quick to tell my sister and I, “You had better do this and that, before your mom sees and gets mad.” He is constantly aware of his wife’s wants and needs, but is never wary of them.

These men who have made it their responsibility to care for the most important women in my life, are good men. They embody everything that a parent would want their daughter to be with: a man who will treat them with the love and respect that is deserving of princess.

Their very greatness is what made me wary of the times when I would be the type of boy parents warn their daughter about. As men, we’re constantly ready to defend our mothers, sisters, daughters, nieces, aunts, and best friends against the type of men who would try to cause any physical or emotional harm to them. But the very next moment we are also capable of treating someone else’s mother, sister, daughter, niece, aunt, or best friend the same exact way we would try to defend against. 

So how do I justify the prayers I’ve made to ask that each and every woman in my life be treated right by their men, while simultaneously asking for forgiveness for the way I’ve treated some women? I’ve come to realize that my ultimate goal is to treat my girlfriend the very same way I would expect a man to treat my mother, sister, grandmother, cousin, daughter, niece, or aunt.

Obviously it is easier said than done, as we are born with the unconditional love that serves as the framework of a familial bond. We are born already knowing the love for our mothers and relatives. However, the love for a woman that isn’t directly related to me is a love that all men must learn in order to correctly give the women important to them what they deserve. I suppose you could say that I’m still learning how to love that way, but it’s reassuring to know that the men who are in the lives of the women most important to me have already mastered that type of love.