On the ones that got away

They’re the ones that got away for a reason: it’s because they’ve gone away for good.

They’re not the ones who go away and come back a little later. You’ll always feel like your business is unfinished, and no amount of time or words spoken will ever resolve that. And as badly as we’d like to believe it was fate that they’d get away—that it was no one’s fault—in our most private and honest moments, we know they’re gone because of the decisions we’ve made. The only reason they were able to get away is because you allowed them to leave. You made a conscious decision to let them leave.

Everyone has had a person that got away from them, and we should count ourselves lucky to have loved like that in the first place. The majority of the time we’ll focus on the one that got away from us, while simultaneously ignoring the fact that in some way or form, we too, got away.

If there is one thing I’ve learned about being the one that got away, it’s this: Love is not the driving force in a relationship, it’s passion.

Passion itself is different from love, it’s different from just having strong feelings or a strong connection with someone or something. When a mistake is made in a relationship, and someone is hurt, they’re quick to call bullshit when you tell them “I love you.” Love is a loaded word that’s often overused that makes us believe that our significant other is exempt from ever making mistakes. We think love should always be right, never wrong. Passion means being wrong and trying over and over again until you’re finally right. Love is simple, and at times can be complicated, but only like how algebra at times can be complicated. Any fool can learn to understand algebra, much like anyone can learn to love and be in love. But passion is more than that; it’s love, hate, happiness, anger, sadness, joy, desire, and every other emotion all wrapped up into one. Passion is underrated. Love between two people can and will continue long after a relationship ends, but passion is about doing whatever it takes to stay with the person we love.

The reason it’s the driving force in a relationship is because when a man is passionate about a woman, it means he’s had her in her entirety and he doesn’t want to lose any of it. He refuses to let her be the one that got away.

No one ever wants to be the one who got away. They want to be the one who stays.