Dreams

I woke up this morning really annoyed. My dream really bothered me, and throughout this entire day I haven’t been able to really find out why. I can’t remember what happened in my dream. All I can remember is the feeling it left me this morning when I woke up. I haven’t had that feeling in a long time, and I can’t tell if it’s good or bad. I hope I get to revisit that dream tonight and figure out what it is that’s bothering me.

Awkward Moments

I honestly don’t believe there is any moment in your life more awkward than when people are singing “Happy Birthday” to you. Seriously, every single year when people sing that song to me, I have no idea what the fuck to do.  It’s probably the most awkward 15 or so seconds of my year, and even moreso when some assclown decides to steal the stage and emphasize each syllable.

So close I can taste it.

30 days left–after 4 long years, I’ve finally made it here. This is my fourth quarter.

Thinking about how close I am to the end, I can’t help but think of how different it was in the beginning. Looking back, I had no idea what I was doing or why I was doing it. I was 17 years old, a freshman at an all girls school, probably still the youngest in my class, and I applied to a school for no other reason than my indecisiveness. I wish I had this blog back then. That way I could look back at my old posts and laugh at how ridiculous I was acting. I was still a kid, I had no idea how things worked. I had a lot of learning to do.

Fast forward 3 more years and I still haven’t the slightest idea of what I’m doing. Yeah, I’m majoring in nursing, but what am I really doing? Not a lot has changed since then, I still have a lot of growing to do. I suppose the only difference is that now I have confidence in myself, and I have a supportive girlfriend to back me up.

I used to feel invisible. Now I know I’m invincible.

There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not thankful for her. She’s got me to where I am today, and I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be close to what I am without her. Of course I need to give proper dues to my parents and my grandparents, who have always gone out of their way to make sure that I had anything and everything I need to stay on track. But at the end of the day, she’s the one who pushed me. I wouldn’t even have a job waiting for me if it weren’t for her. Thanks baby love, you are my world.

As I mentioned earlier, I have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t even really know where I’m going with this post. I just felt like writing because I haven’t in a long time, and I felt like my mind needs to rest.

It’s ridiculous to think that I’m graduating from college. It feels like it was just last week that I just graduated from 8th grade, full of relief that the long haul was over, and that high school was just around the corner. High school was uncharted territory for me, it was the next big thing. I lost a lot of friends from elementary school, but in exchange I found my best friends. Around this time four years ago, I was getting ready to leave high school. Senioritis hit me about just as hard as anyone else, and I entered dgaf mode well in the beginning of March. I was already accepted into the only college I applied to, and all I wanted to do was meet new people and grow up. Now all I really wanna do is go back and take my sweet time. The funny thing about school is: It feels like you’ve been studying for years and working on non-stop essays and group projects, but once you finally get some down time, you’re shocked to realize how fast it really went by. Yeah it sounds cliche but I’d love to go back in time with what I know now, and see how much I could accomplish. Nursing is cool and all, and I’ve taken  serious interest in the clinical procedures/OR departments, but I still can’t shake this feeling that I could be doing something bigger. Don’t get me wrong, I have the greatest amount of respect for nurses, as they are the backbone of the healthcare system, but I still don’t believe that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. Some of my friends look like they still don’t really know what to do, but then there are a select few that have developed a passion for something, and have done nothing but pursued their dreams. To be honest, I envy them. Not because they’re doing something that they want to do, but because they know what it is they want to do.

But I suppose I have the rest of my life to figure things out, and so far it’s been a lot of fun. I just need to finish what I started here first, not just for myself and for security. But because I made a promise to my grandpa that this was going to be for him. In 30 days I’ll see that promise fulfilled. After that, it’s free game. I’m meant to do something bigger than what I’ve been doing. I’m going to go find it.

Motivation. Thanks for your final gift.

Last week I wrote that I never wanted to be a nurse. I never had a reason to be one other than the fact that I was so indecisive in high school. Now I have all the motivation I need to finish out this semester, and the rest of my life.

Emiliano Olaybar. You worked hard your entire life, and you were the best grandfather a kid like me could ever ask for. I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you enough for all of the little things you’d do for me. I’m sorry I took advantage of the times I’d wake up on a random Saturday to find you cleaning my dirty car. I’m sorry I took advantage of the times you’d give me $5 when you’d win at the casino, even if you’d hangout at the penny slots. And I’m so sorry that I never really had anything to say, I wish I told you I loved you more often than I did. But thank you for always having a smile on your face, even till the very end. You always told me that you were feeling okay, and you told us not to worry about you.  I’m glad to know that you finally get to rest. Keep an eye on us from up there, and I promise I’ll make you proud.

This one’s for you tatay.

2011 – I might not be ready.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve spent most of my nights during vacations either playing video games, watching Family Guy, or whatever else on TV. It’s sort of depressing to know that this is the last Winter break I’ll ever have, and that I’ll never have another Summer vacation.  I’ve never worked a day in my life, and I mooch off of my parents. If it weren’t for nursing school, I’d be the definition of a slacker. Fortunately, I’m only a slight slacker.

To be honest, I have mixed feelings about 2011. Do I really want to get thrown into the real world? Kaiser’s got me by the balls and needs me to pass the boards by June (I think), or else I need to come up with 20k to pay their asses back. But before I even think about that, I need to graduate. I guess the only goal I’ve ever had since getting into MSMC was to graduate and pay my parents back. It’s no secret that I’ve never really wanted to be a nurse, and I can’t truthfully say that I love it now, but it’s slowly growing on me. Being able to help other people is a little fulfilling for a slacker like myself, and it’s a fun job I suppose.

However, as graduation becomes closer and closer, I’ve seriously began to shit bricks about my actual ability to become a nurse. It’s no secret that I’ve half-assed my way through this school. Procrastination is a way of life for me, I don’t know if that’s just me, my generation, or because of St. Gens, but it’s really the only way I know how to get through school. Unfortunately, procrastination has equated to about the shittiest retention rate known to mankind. It’s a pretty fucked up thought to even think of someone like me having responsibility over other people’s lives.

Good thing I plan on getting through this year the same way I’ve gotten through every year: with all the optimism a man could need and a giant fuck you to responsibility.

Seriously, I know we can do this. And I guess more importantly, I know I can do this.

-darylkris

1989 was 21 years ago

Crazy shit digg. I’m the kid that stayed home making a Megan Fox poster while my friends went to Vegas for the weekend. The kid that usually stayed home to study on weekends, instead of going out to kick it. The responsible kid, the one that was always afraid of failing. Sometimes I wonder why I even got into nursing. Money? Security? Will all of that shit really mean anything to me when it’s all said and done? Probably. Growing up all I wanted to do was chill, be fucked up rich, and treat every day like it’s summer vacation. Now I’m getting into a profession that’s gonna wreck my sleeping schedule, but also pay up the ass (hopefully). We graduate in 6 months, and I’m scared as fuck. I just had my last summer vacation, and I’m about to have my last winter break (trying to be politically correct for all two of my Jew friends).

But I guess you eventually realize 21 isn’t even really that old. I still feel like a 10 year old, with a drivers license. I’m sure Gretchen will agree with that. It’s just weird when shit gets real and you begin to understand that everything you ever dreamed of becoming is just going to remain a dream. Don’t get me wrong, I like nursing, but it’s not what I love. If it were up to me I’d be designing video games, or just be playing them. I’m gonna be a nurse pretty soon, but I hope to God that I don’t just settle for that.

“When I was growing up my mother told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment. I told them they didn’t understand life.”

I read that somewhere a couple years back, but shit’s real.

-daryl kris

It’s been a long long time

Thought about retiring this thing, I’ll probably update it once I get through these next 4 weeks.

Sorry Gary Oak, I never knew.

In the original Pokémon Red/Blue/Yellow, when you encounter your rival in Lavender Town he asks whether or not you know what it’s like to have one of your Pokémon die. At this point in the game, he no longer has his Raticate that he used in previous battles. Your rival battle before this took place aboard the S.S. Anne. Your rival’s Raticate sustained serious injuries from the battle.. but, because of crowding and confusion on the luxury liner, he was unable to make it to a Pokémon Center in time and the Raticate passed away. Since there is no Gym there, the real reason your rival is in Lavender Town to begin with is to lay his deceased friend to rest. Despite all of this, your rival never outwardly tells you that you’re responsible for the death of his Pokémon. He hides his grief and instead channels that energy into the motivation he needed to continue his quest to become Indigo League Champion. The death of his Raticate effectively destroys your rival’s impish, childhood innocence. Although he tells himself that he doesn’t hold you responsible, he subconsciously holds a great deal of resentment towards you which further fuels his ambitions. Tearfully swearing upon his Raticate’s grave to not fail in what he set out to do, he trains hard in hopes of becoming better than you, defeating you, and eventually make it to the Pokémon League. Mere moments after he became Indigo League Champion, he was defeated… by you. Although he fulfilled his promise to his fallen Pokémon, it was only for a painfully brief instant. In the end, your rival is scolded by his grandfather while you receivethe professor’s praise. During the course of the game, you steal your rival’s innocence, crush his dreams, and ultimately snatch away the love of his own grandfather. Oh, and by the way, your rival doesn’t have any parents. He’s an orphan.

The Art of Hating Kobe Bryant

Long read, but a good one.
Courtesy of Mark Grey

As another NBA season is now behind us and Kobe Bryant has picked up his fifth title, his place in history is up for debate. Bryant who was once the clear cut poster boy for the post Jordan era of the NBA, is now the most polarizing figure in all of sports. Millions of people love the Lakers star, and millions of people hate him, but every basketball fan has an opinion on Kobe and are pretty passionate about it. It has gotten to the point where when someone asks whether or not you are a Kobe fan, it almost defines you as a person. It’s like asking if you are a Democrat or a Republican. While trying to debate Bryant’s place among NBA greats, I was amazed by how many Bryant haters there were. The number of haters was so great that I didn’t even find it fair to throw them all into one group. So just to be fair, I broke the Kobe Bryant haters up into groups so they are easier to identify.

When you ask most Kobe Haters (we will call them KH for short) to talk about Kobe, the first thing you will hear is, “he’s not Michael Jordan.” What exactly does that mean? Jordan is regarded as the greatest basketball player who ever lived – is not being better than him a bad thing? I wonder if I brought a 7’6” man into these peoples living room if the first words out there mouth be, “he isn’t the tallest man to ever live.” I’m guessing they would be thinking more along the lines of, I don’t know if he is the tallest person to ever live but he damn sure is tall, and if he isn’t the tallest person ever, he sure is close. Saying Bryant is no MJ really isn’t saying anything, its just ignoring who he is because of who he is not.

Then there is the group of haters who always seem to think Kobe is the second best player in the league no matter what. Let this group tell it, Bryant has been the second best player in the NBA for over a decade, but the number 1 player changes every other year. Somehow the number 1 player always seems to fall down the list but Kobe just never moves up. There was the he’s not better than Iverson debate that lasted for a couple of years, then there was the he’s not better than Tracy McGrady campaign which was followed by he’s not better than Steve Nash era — hell even Chris Paul got his name mentioned for a year as the one guy in the NBA who is better than Kobe.This is the fan who has become a diehard Cavs fan out of nowhere. He is the same guy who years ago said that if Vince Carter or Tracy McGrady ever played with the best center in the NBA they would win a title too. His favorite line use to be “Kobe will never win without Shaq”, but he never seems to remember saying any of that. He often has a lot to say in the regular season, but not so much in the playoffs.

Which then brings us to the group that we will just call “Mr. Unrealistic-Casual fan.” That’s the guy who watches about 10-15 basketball games a year, normally at a bar where he isn’t even paying attention and by the time the game is over, he is too drunk to even tell you what happened in the game. He is the guy who yells out “all I know is when Shaq left, Kobe couldn’t even get out of the first round.” It’s hard to really argue with him because he is right, that is all he knows. He never mentions that Kobe lost in the first round to a Suns team that had All Star Shawn Marion as the third option, while the Lakers third leading scorer was Brian Cook.

The next type of KH, is “Mr. I-know-basketball-more-than-you.” He normally is the guy who played basketball in High School and may have even walked on at a D2 school. He now coaches kids basketball so he thinks he has this ability to understand the game that no one else does, and can see things that you cant see and no one else can explain. He is the guy who says Kobe just doesn’t make others better, he says things like, you have to take Steve Nash over Kobe or no one wants to play with Kobe because he’s too selfish. When you ask him to explain why Nash has played on some of the most talented teams in the NBA over the last decade and hasn’t won anything, he really can’t answer you. He says Kobe doesn’t make anyone better but can’t explain why three years ago no one wanted Pau Gasol but now everyone seems to think he is the best thing since sliced bread. Three years ago, no GM in their right mind would have traded Amare Stoudemire and Shawn Marion, for Gasol and Odom, but for some reason this guy insists that Nash gets more out of his teammates then Kobe. This guy normally has a long list of players he would rather start a team with (Nash, Paul, LeBron, Dirk etc.) all of whom have never won anything even in college, but he can’t explain why because you just wouldn’t understand. When you ask him to name Bryant’s weakness, he gets frustrated trying to tell you, so he just tells you that you don’t understand the game like he does. Sounds pretty stupid, but who are you to argue? He does coach 6th graders. The more you listen to him, you can tell his hate for Kobe is deeply rooted. He secretly blames star players like Kobe for the reason his hoop dreams never panned out. If the star player on his college team had just passed more, coach could have seen all his talent. He will never tell anyone out loud, but in his heart he thinks he could have been better than Kobe if he was allowed to shoot more.

The hardest guy to argue with is the history guy. He typically watches a lot of basketball and knows his stuff. He doesn’t like Kobe, but respects his game and as painful as it is to say, he will even admit that Kobe is the best player in the NBA today. He considers Kobe the best player of his generation, but will quickly tell you he is not one of the best ever. He will say Kobe is somewhere between 15th to 20th best player of all time. The problem with history guy is he can never name 15 players better than Kobe. He often starts reeling off names fast like Jordan, Magic, Bird, and Wilt. After spiting out four names really fast with ease, he throws out two more names, then just starts saying ridiculous things like Dr. J and Walt Frazier. In a last second effort to reach 10 players, he says George Mikan, even though not only has he never seen Mikan play, his father hasn’t either. He can never tell you who the remaining 7 to 8 players are who are better then Kobe but swears they exist he just can never think of them right now. While naming the greatest players of all time, he often changes the criteria for being great. He says Bill Russell has to be top 5 because its all about rings, then goes on to name a handful of players who he thinks are better then Kobe who combined have less rings than him. He always wants to point out that Kobe played with Shaq, but never wants to mention that Jordan, Bird, and Magic never won a title without another Hall of Fame player on their team. History guy knows his basketball, the only thing he doesn’t know is why Kobe isn’t one of the top players of all time.

The most interesting of all the KH is hypocrite guy. He says one thing, but his hate for Kobe says another. He says he hates Kobe because he wants to be like Mike, but doesn’t even notice he is wearing a number 23 Cavs jersey. He says he can’t stand Kobe because he’s so arrogant, but his favorite player is a 25 year old who calls himself King and speaks in third person — all while inviting us to “witness his greatness.” He is always complaining that today’s players only care about money and don’t care about getting better, but for some reason hates the player who works hardest in the NBA. He is often screaming that Kobe can’t win a title on his own in one breath, and in the second breath screaming LeBron needs help. He says things like today’s players have no respect for the players of the past, then turns around and says Kobe steals players moves from the past. He hates Kobe so much that he doesn’t even realize that stuff he says makes no sense. He calls every Kobe fan he knows every time Kobe has a bad game to say “I told you so” but he is the hardest guy to find every time Kobe has great game or hit’s a game winning shot. He always says he can’t stand Kobe because he wants to be like Jordan, even though every Saturday he himself hit’s the park in his Jordan shoes, Jordan socks, Jordan shorts and Jordan shirt and never forgets his Jordan bag full of Gatorade. Hypocrite guy doesn’t even realize everyone wants to be like Jordan including himself, the only difference is Kobe is the only one willing to put in the same work Mike did.

Last but not least is “Ms. I-can’t-stand-him.” This is the female who obviously used to date Bryant, if you didn’t know any better. She often says I can’t stand him with so much passion that you can tell it goes deeper than basketball. She has a long list of reasons she hates him, and not one of them has anything to do with basketball. She doesn’t even have a favorite basketball team, she just roots for whatever team is playing the Lakers. If you watched her throughout the playoffs you would think she was a Suns, Thunder, and Celtics fan her whole life. There really is no need to argue with her because all she ever says is “ I can’t stand him” and all you can really do is wonder, does she know him?

Does every super star in sports have his/her group of haters? Yes, but hating Kobe has gone to a different level, it has taken on an art form. While millions of Americans will admit to being a Kobe hater, there are several hundred thousands of fans out there who don’t even know they are Kobe haters. The saying goes, “it’s lonely at the top,” or as Jay-Z once said, “you don’t even know me and you mad. How it feel to be a hater, now I know exactly how it feels to be a Laker.”

I guess this is growing up.

Before you can grow up, you MUST fall in love 3 times.

i.) You must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more.

ii.) You must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve.

iii.) You must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.

And when you’re through with all of that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most.

But I guess most importantly, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined. It is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.